The Blue Wolf! Garurumon

Garurumon

Macho Duck: Well, that's a very concise title. It is, indeed, Garurumon.

This episode was written by Rebecca Olkowski and J.M. Morris. It has a lot more stupid dialogue than I'd like; the kids are being really mean today. Maybe because they haven't slept?

Mimi is getting worse, Izzy isn't being as pretentious. Tai and Matt are in-dub-character. Sora and Joe are useless. T.K.'s the bait. It's going to continue like this for a while.
Stupid Dialogue:
Agumon: "I don't understand it well either."
Agumon: "Besides, even superheroes need a rest."

This brought into my mind the song "Superheroes" from the Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack, which you can thank whatever deity you believe in that I don't know the lyrics well enough to parodise it in this situation. Thanks to this, however, I can safely say I am disturbed by Agumon's line.

Narrator: "With a horn as hard as diamond, this is an Armoured Dragon Digimon. It's normally gentle, but when provoked will fight until it defeats its opponent."
Tentomon: "Although, it is wise to be a bit cautious with a Monochromon. They do tend to get a bit miffed when they're hungry."

Look, when you offer someone lunch and you don't have any food with you, what can you possibly expect them to think you mean? It was all just a big misunderstanding, Tentomon. Let it go.

Taichi: "That's what you say, but he's coming towards us!"
Mimi: "No~!
Tai: "Then he must be starving because he looks really mad!"
Mimi: "And I think he wants to eat US!"

DAMNIT, TENTOMON.

Yamato: "This is bad. They have us in a pincer attack!"
Matt: "We're caught between a rock and two sets of teeth!"


Taichi: "Those guys are fighting each other..."
Tai: "Something must have set those Monochromon off!"

[Monorrismon #1: "OLKOWSKI!! You stole my fruit cup!"]
[Monokowskmon #2: "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT, BITCH?"]

Mimi: "Wait, Palmon! Don't run off on your own!"
Mimi: "Don't leave without me!"
Tai: "They definitely don't need us hanging around!"

You'll see lines like this listed here on occasion: they're not really that bad, but they're listed because, in this example, Mimi's line was the same. Why didn't they just have her say it at the correct time and avoid Tai's line entirely?

Side Note:
Listening to the Monochromon growl at each other in the dub is hilarious. XD It's just so obvious.

In the dub, a splash is added after the Monochromon take their dive. Why? I guess Saban thought they needed to cool off.

Stupid Dialogue:
Mimi: "I'm tired..."
Mimi: "I don't walk this much unless I'm at a mall and, as you can see, we're nowhere near one!"

Oh, Mimi. Your unrealistic and uncharacteristic stereotyping will baffle and mystify us for ages to come.

Taichi: "Keep trying for just a bit more, Mimi."
Tai: "Mimi, stop whining!"

That, too. Jeez.

Mimi: "My legs will get fat..."
Agumon: "The fatter the better, Mimi. They can support you body and you can kick the dirt."
Mimi: "I'm not like you."
Palmon: "Right, legs that look like plant roots are much nicer!"
Mimi: "I don't like that, either."
Mimi: "No, my feet hurt!"
Agumon: "Maybe if you'd take off your boots and socks you'd feel better, Mimi. It's much more practical, I think."
Mimi: "I'm not walking in dirt in my bare feet!"
Palmon: "I LOVE the feel of dirt underneath my feet! Especially between my toes!"
Mimi: "GROSS!"

Seriously, Palmon! What the HELL?

... You don't even have toes!

Koushiro: "The sunset has a strange colour, doesn't it?"
Izzy: "It appears that we may be losing our light source!"

Izzy. For real. "It's getting dark." "The sun's going down." "You see that, Matt? YOU SEE IT? 'Who said it ever gets dark here' my ASS!"

Tentomon: "Aa~! We've got drinking water! A lake! It's a lake! Why don't we set up camp there?"
Tentomon: "YES! As usual, I'm right! It's a lake with fresh, clean water and a variety of tasty fish. It's a perfect campsite!"

I have nothing to say about Tentomon's spectacular vision and apparent natural affinity for estate sales... except that his voice is veeeeeerry suspicious when he says his line. As if he know the lake was there the whole time... and he was leading everyone there...

Mimi: "Good timing! I can't walk anymore."
Mimi: "Maybe I can finally soak my poor, achey feet!"

GROSS!

Gomamon: "Oyaoya-- ah!"
Jou: "Gomamon, wait!"
Gomamon: "Yay, we get to swim--"
Joe: "Gomamon, you better wait and make sure it's safe first!"

That's right, Gomamon! Remember the last time Tentomon told us something was harmless?

Yamato: "I think we've walked enough for today."
Matt: "That's why I think we should keep walking and stop all the complaining!"

You know what, Matt? You keeping walking. Straight off a cliff. Don't worry; Saban will add a splash for you when you hit the bottom.

Jou: "Yosh~. We'll camp here tonight!"
Joe: "That's a good plan. I like that plan a lot!"

Problem with Joe's line: Tai just said "we have to find some food". That's not so much a plan as it is stating the obvious.

Mimi: "If we're camping, does that mean we're sleeping outside?"
Taichi: "Looks like it."
Mimi: "It's a lie~..."
Mimi: "If I won't walk in dirt, what makes you think I'll sleep in it?"
Tai: "Mimi, do you see a hotel around here?"
Mimi: "*GASP*"

There he goes again, his hatred only barely concealed by his enquiry of nearby hotels...

No dialogue.
Mimi: "Maybe it can take us back home... in air-conditioned comfort!"
Tai: "Mimi! Wait up!"

Tai, she's behind you. You're not fooling anyone.

Koushirou: "It's still new."
Izzy: "No trolley car is this clean!"

[All: "o_o *stare*"]
[Izzy: "... uh, I mean... No public transport modality is this sanitary! Indeed."]

Side Note:
A short clip of Agumon and Tai staring in awe and disappointment that the car had no people in it was added after Mimi commented on the cushions, and Taichi was given the line, "Something's wrong!"

Why? I don't know. My guess is that when Tai saw that Mimi, the pink-wearing hedonist that she is, was almost -- almost getting adequate screen time, he shat himself in a blind rage and demanded an additional scene. They had to re-use the footage, though, since his drawers had to be sent out for dry-cleaning.

Stupid Dialogue:
Not a big deal, but when Tai said that the trolley might be how they'd be expected to get home, Taichi was actually saying the trolley wouldn't move on its own because there were no tracks.

Sora: "We could sleep in here, eh?"
Tentomon: "Before that, why don't we get some food?"
Sora: "So we have nothing to lose by staying!"
Tentomon: "Uuugh! CAN WE EAT NOW?"

Getting restless, are we, Tentomon?! I'm on to you...

Side Note:
Tai's reign of terror continues as yet another scene is added on his behalf as he reads, "That's right. I forgot," off the prompt before him.

Stupid Dialogue:
Tentomon: "LUCKY! These are my favourite!"
Tentomon: "You can't get too many berries down the hatch!"


Piyomon: "You don't need your attack to get fruit!"
Biyomon: "Homeboy, you better watch that killer breath of yours, Patamon!"

AAAAAAGHH AAAAAAAAAGHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHH OH JINNAI WWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYY?

Yamato: "Yosh~, let's start cooking dinner."
Matt: "We're all set to cook dinner; now all we need is the GRUB!"

Eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww!

Taichi: "You're really useful, Agumon!"
Tai: "Agumon, you're THE MAN!"

WWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

Yamato: "Well done, Takeru."
Matt: "Thanks, squirt."

Damn, what an asshole.

No dialogue.
Tai: "This is where I wish we had a microwave."

I guess I'll ask the obvious question of where it'll plug in to.

Taichi: "You really seem to know what you're doing, Yamato."
Tai: "How did you come up with that, Matt?"
Matt: "Because I'm THE MAN!"

NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

No dialogue. Just munching.
Tentomon: "This is surprisingly good!"

Shut up, Tentomon.

Just munching.
Izzy: "Mmm mmm mmmh! Delicious!"

Shut up, Izzy.

No dialogue.
T.K.: "Matt, mom only lets me eat fish sticks!"

YOUR MOM only lets you e-- wait... damnit!

Yamato: "Takeru?"
Takeru: "What, big brother?"
Yamato: "Want me to take out the bones?"
Taichi: "Chomp through the head and keep going!"
Matt: "I won't tell."
T.K.: "...NEVER eat with my fingers..." (What? Do you eat the fish sticks with a fork and knife? I'm gonna talk with you, son.)
Matt: "T.K.! It's all right!"
Taichi: "Yeah, you're hangin' with the big boys now!"

NO! Don't corrupt the poor child!

Taichi: "Sora. Takeru calls Yamato 'big brother', but they have different surnames, don't they?"
Tai: "Hey Sora?"
Sora: "What?"
Tai: "Matt doesn't treat T.K. like a brother -- only like he's a bother. Is it just me or have you noticed that, too?"

[Sora: "... what? Why are you telling ME that? I'm not his mum. Go punch him in the face if it bothers you that much. There's not enough violence to censor around here."]

Side Note:
Seriously, though, the dub turned Matt into a walking asshole who later can't figure out why his brother doesn't need him anymore, so the relationship between Yamato and Takeru is lost. In the original, Yamato was actually very attentive to Takeru -- almost to the point of babying him. If you ignore the dub dialogue and watch the footage, you can see it, too.

Yamato had a very sympathetic quality in that sense, since he watched Takeru respond to Taichi's encouragement and is confronted with the fact that Takeru is growing up and doesn't need him. It's really sad; if you think about it, Yamato doesn't see his brother that much and might even be feeling that Takeru doesn't miss him and just sees him as a playmate. Taking this into account, it really sets the stage for his later animosity towards Taichi.

Matt's just a cockbite. I don't even know what his problem is.

Stupid Dialogue:
Sora: "I don't know."
Sora: "Matt's still learning to be a big brother."

WHAT? You bitch! You've known him for like a day! Don't make assumptions on his relationship with his brother!

Side Note:
Jou: "No; I don't see the Southern Cross either."
Joe: "Yes, I guess it's possible. That is, if we're still on Earth."

Not a hugely important piece of dialogue, but it's probably an example of censorship. The Southern Cross is a constellation, also called the Crux, used by travellers when visiting the southern hemisphere. In the United States, it's also a nickname for the Confederate flag, which is used by the KKK and some other hate groups as their emblem (no, I'm not implying that only hate groups use it -- the flag itself has a lot of meaning, history, and controversy... but that's what Wikipedia is for). So... yeah.

Stupid Dialogue:
Well, originally Taichi was teasing Gabumon, saying that he'd take his fur to use as a blanket for himself. Tai, however, describes Mimi as being a sneaky, horrible, untrustworthy pink-wearer thief with insatiable bloodlust who will steal his fur under the shroud of night and then cut off his tail for a trophy.

Taichi: "What are you doing?"
Tai: "What are you buggin' about?!"

Maybe he's "bugging" (only two letters away from being "buggering"...) about the fact that you were trying to rape his Digimon and blame it on someone else?

Taichi: "You don't have to attack me!"
Tai: "Hey! You can't tell me what to do!"

Great. So now the main character, whose action figures we're supposed to buy, is a bully (and an anti-pink supremecist) who even the cockbite tells to lay off. Good thing they censored how to navigate in the southern hemisphere.

Mimi: "I always sleep in a bed..."
Mimi: "I can't sleep with all of you here!"

I know they're creepy, Mimi, but Tai's on watch first. You have bigger things to worry about.

Koushirou: "Good night."
Izzy: "THAT'S RIGHT, Mimi!"

Izzy, you worthless little jackass. I would slap you if you weren't so fictional.

Takeru: "Good night."
Sora: *thinking* "I hope there aren't any more monsters before morning."
T.K.: "Don't let the Monochromon bite."
Sora: *thinking* "Thanks for reminding me, T.K."

You're a whore, Sora.

Mimi: "I want to take a bath..."
Mimi: *thinking* "My feet still hurt..."
Koushirou: *thinking* "Spending tomorrow with everyone will make for a long day..."
Izzy: *thinki-- wait, that doesn't sound right* "Why is there a trolley here? ... Maybe it was the aliens! Maybe they knew we needed it!"
Jou: "I hope everyone is back to normal after we sleep."
Joe: *for the love of Jinnai, why won't they just go to sleep?* "I hope I don't get any monster cooties."

He doesn't say anything.
T.K.: "Thanks, Matt."

Way to ruin the moment. Incidentally, Yamato was a lot less of a douche about have Gabumon keep T.K. warm. The dialogue is accurate, though; the only thing left out is the fact that Gabumon called Yamato shy and Yamato returned that Gabumon is shy.

Taichi: "Oh, Yamato. It's too early to switch."
Tai: "Oh... Matt... don't you think I can handle this?"

Jeez, Tai. Let it go.

Yamato: "I'm... always like this... Maybe that's why Takeru likes you more."
Taichi: "About that, Takeru and you are...?"
Yamato: "We're brothers. Our parents are divorced, so we live separately."
Matt: "I didn't mean to get so mad; it's just being out here and having to watch of T.K...."
Tai: "Do you guys even live in the same house?"
Matt: "Not anymore. We're half-brothers; we don't get to see each other much."

Your parents divorcing and your mum sending you off to live with your father because you won't stop being a prick doesn't make you half-brothers. Of course, the fact that you lied about it only cements your assholery. You're going to hell, Matt.

No dialogue.
Tai: "Matt's a little strange."

Still no dialogue.
Tai: *in response to Gabumon's compliment of Matt playing the harmonica, which he couldn't have possibly overheard because he's halfway across the lake* "Maybe to a saint bernard with a horn on its forehead."

He has a point, though. Matt's harmonica sounds like hell compared to Yamato's.

Eyecatch!
Seriously, I don't want you peoples trying to sue me because your butt went numb. Take a break -- go get a sandwich or something (and don't sue me if your butt gets fat, either). The comparison's not going anywhere!


Eyecatch!
Welcome back!
Can you spot the jokes that were taken without permission or credit for use in a fan production?

Side Note:
Searamon's Digimon Analyser screen was moved to after the shot of him roaring, just before it cuts to Yamato and Gabumon. No narration accompanies it.

Stupid Dialogue:
The trolley wasn't really moving or taking them anywhere; Jou made a comment in the original that the trolley seemed to have been moving on its own, but Koushirou just exclaimed that a monster had appeared. In the dub, Izzy thinks the trolley taking them towards it.

Mimi: "It really is an earthquake!"
Mimi: "We're going to get eaten for sure!"

DAMNIT, TENTOMON.

Agumon: "The island is moving!"
Taichi: "It's moving!"
Agumon: "Hold tight; we're going for a ride!"
Tai: "It's like we're on a monster long board!"

Tai, you're like eight. Nobody believes that you surf or even that you know what a long board is. Give it up.

Koushirou: "Somehow, it seems like Seadramon is pulling the island with him."
Tentomon: "That can't be! Seadramon wouldn't attack unless he felt threatened!"
Agumon: "He stopped."
Tentomon: "You guys didn't do anything to him, did you?"
Agumon and Taichi: "We didn't do anything!"
Izzy: "He's pulling us along by his tail! I don't think he even realises we're here."
Tentomon: "Perhaps not. He's a bit dense; as long as he doesn't see us, we should be safe."
Agumon: "Don't be too sure!"
Tentomon: "You guys jinxed us! Now he knows we're here!"
Agumon and Tai: "What? I didn't do anything!"

Yeah, it wasn't Tentomon going, [Tentomon: "So as long as he doesn't see us... I SAID, 'AS LONG AS HE DOESN'T SEE US'... we should be safe."]

No dialogue.
Izzy: "Guess he does know we're here!"

He looked straight at you guys earlier. Of course he does.

Tentomon: "So is was your fault!"
Tentomon: "It wasn't my fault!"

Suuuuuuuuuure it wasn't...

Mimi: "Ugh, I'm feeling seasick..."
Mimi: "This is really gonna mess up my hair!"

Okay, seriously. What did Mimi DO to the writing staff?

Gabumon: "W-wait! ... my fur's going to get wet..."
Gabumon: "Matt.. I'm JUST letting... you know... my FUR'S gonna.. GET WET... and I'm gonna stink!"

THE HORROR!

Taichi: "We finally stopped."
Koushirou: "But now we have nowhere to run to!"
Tai: "Great, he left us right in the middle of the lake!"
Izzy: "I don't suppose we could trick him into taking us back..."

Yeah, that jerk.

Agumon: "Everyone, let's go!"
Gomamon: "Okay!"
Agumon: "Come on, you guys! Let's send him back to the fish heap!"
Gabumon: "No... problem!"

1: Ew. 2: Gabumon's still in the water.

Agumon: "I told you, I don't know either!"
Agumon: "Maybe my body hasn't recovered from the last fight!"

[Agumon: "And MAYBE I'm not a freaking POKÉMON and I can't evolve on command, you dick."]

Taichi: "You're a useless guy, aren't you?!"
Tai: "But if you can't help us, how are we gonna stop Seadramon?"

One of the other Digimon? They don't all totally suck, you know. Why don't you jump in the water with a stick like last time?

Yamato: "Gomamon, please..."
Matt: "Gomamon, you can do it!"

Well, that's one way to unload your younger sibling onto someone else...

Yamato: "Hey! Seadramon, over here!"
Matt: "Hey! Over here, you over-grown water lizard!"

Matt, stick to being a cockbite until you have more time to work on your taunts.

Yamato: "Gabumon!"
Gabumon: "WAAAAAH I HATE THIIIIiiiiss!"


Takeru: "Big brother! It's my fault; big brother was just trying to help me!"
T.K.: "It's all my fault! Matt was just trying to save me! I'll never forgive myself!"

It's the "I'll never forgive myself" that makes this count. For Jinnai's sake, he forgets the whole thing by the next episode.

Tentomon: "Seadramon won't let him go until he squeezes the life out of him!"
Tentomon: "Seadramon may be a bubble-brain, but once he finds his prey, he won't let go!"

Bu-- bubble-brain? Seadramon was smart enough to trap you fools in the middle of a lake and now he's got a friend of yours in a death grip! The score for intellect is not in your favour.

Takeru: "Big brother!"
T.K.: "Matt! Hang on!"

Uh... that's part of the problem, T.K..

Gabumon: "It's useless! I don't have that kind of power..."
Gabumon: "You're right... MATT is... IN TROUBLE. And I MUST help..."


Guys, really. He's being crushed to death; stop telling him to "hold on". Seriously, how insensitive can you be?


Gabumon: "To not be able to listen to Yamato's harmonica anymore... to not hear that gentle melody again..."
Gabumon: "I don't understand... any of THIS..."

YOUR CHOSEN PARTNER IS BEING CRUSH TO DEATH BY A VERY ANGRY SEA DRAGON.

Gabumon: "... but I.. have to SAVE Matt!"

YEAH LIKE THREE MINUTES AGO.

Gabumon: "WHAT'S a little... stinky fur... compared to a FRIEND like him?!"

HE'S AN ASSHOLE.

When the evolution sequence starts up, you can hear Gabumon yelling, "MAAAAAAAAAAATTTT" in the background like he did in the Japanese version, except he sounds like a moron. I couldn't even tell if it was him yelling, "Matt," at first. I thought it was someone in the recording studio having a bad day.

Side Note:
Good Jinnai, he even "Digivolves" like William Shatner...

Stupid Dialogue:
Tentomon: "Garurumon's fur is like the legendary metal, mythril!"
Tentomon: "Garurumon's fur is legendary! It's strong as steel! He's like a growling torpedo!"

His fur is only legendary for its moist stench. He said so himself.

Koushirou: "What is this legendary metal?"
Tentomon: "Since it's legendary, I've never seen it, so I don't know..."
Izzy: "That's astonishing! Then he must be invincible!"
Tentomon: "Well, that's what I've heard, anyway. We'll soon find out!"

Nice.

Taichi: "I can't tell if this guy knows what he's talking about or not."
Tentomon: "Hey now!"
Tai: "I hope you're not exaggerating, Tentomon, with another one of your wild fish tales again."
Agumon: "He could be!"
Tentomon: "But I heard about it!"

Face it, Tentomon. It was only a matter of time before your plot unravelled. Just confess; we're obviously not going to get any evidence this way.

Side Note:
Seadramon: Ice Arrow --> Ice Blast
Garurumon: Fox Fire --> Howling Blaster

Also, I have to say, the music in the dub is nothing compared to Brave Heart. Nothing but irritating, anyway.

Stupid Dialogue:
Gabumon: "Somehow it worked out."
Gabumon: "FINE, sure. Who'd WAIT... to keep my fur DRY!"

Gabumon also replies, "Any time... little FRIEND" after T.K. thanks him. It's out of character; Gabumon is shy and humble, not some wise old man whose fur smells like hell when it's wet.

Gabumon: "You're too shy!"
Yamato: "That's you."
Gabumon: "You are THE MAN!"
MATT: "AND YOU'RE THE WOLFMAN!"

NOPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Side Note:
Gabumon finally says "Fish Power" instead of "Fish Bait" or whatever when he summons his fishes. I still can't help but wonder why he didn't just summon them into the fire when they needed to eat.

Stupid Dialogue:
Mimi: "Haa... I'm tired."
Mimi: "Gabumon, could I use you for a pillow? I promise not to steal your fur!"

Mimi, seriously. Just apologise to the writers. Get them a fruit basket or a three-bean salad or SOMETHING; just apologise!

Sora: "Could it be because Yamato was in a pinch?!"
Sora: "Izzy's right! Agumon was the only one who could do it before!"

Thank you, Sora, for summarising what we knew already.

Agumon: "Taichi!"
Taichi: "Agumon!"
Agumon: "Hang on!"
Tai: "I can't breath!"

OH MY JINNAI you bastards are so insensitive! Yell "hang on" to a guy being throttled; yeah, that's real classy.

Agumon: "Taichi!"
Agumon: "Greymon!"

Now that just doesn't make any sense.

Taichi: "What?"
Tai: "Get me out of here!"

Why does Tai remember himself as being a bigger dick than he actually was?

And Mimi ties it off with the Stupid Dialogue with: "Are we at the mall yet?"

A Word From The Duck
You probably noticed a few jokes were kept from the first version of this episode comparison even though they're not that good and, quite frankly, I had better things to say. This was deliberate; as mentioned in the eyecatch, there's a fan production that used these without permission and without crediting me.

Yeah, I'm a little irritated that the jokes were used without so much as a reference to my work here. I'm also irritated that they didn't use the jokes well enough to be anything but obvious and out-of-place. I'm not worried enough to send them a verbal bitch-slap over it (and I'm not going to link to them to give them traffic or sic my more rabid readers on them), though.

This is just me marking my territory. I'm not the one who stole them. Digimon Uncensored has been around for like six years; the comparison in its original form was six years old. I don't know why anyone would want to take a six-year-old joke that, quite frankly, sucked and then execute it poorly without mentioning where it came from (seriously... why would you want credit for that? I don't even really want credit for it; I'm just miffed that I was plagiarised), but hey.

This is not a call to arms or anything; it's just if you see what I'm referring to, you know what's what.


Total episode retained: 100%. No cuts, some voices are getting better, some worse.

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